I am totally checking out for the day. Well, at four o'clock, anyway. I'll be spending the night in a hotel room, all by myself... a hotel room with a whirlpool tub next to the bed. I am planning to totally do it up. I'm getting some fancy chocolates and picking up a juicy novel that I have on reservation at the library. I'm totally eating something terrible for dinner, like a veggie burger and actual fries. With tons of ketchup. I'm taking my bike with me, so that, after I sleep in for as many lazy hours as I want to tomorrow morning, I can drive to a nearby, gorgeous section of The Montour Trail and ride until my legs are useless. I want to be useless, for a few hours. I want to be invisible.
People tell me that I'm lucky to have my husband, and I used to say, "Luck doesn't have anything to do with it. We were born for each other and we worked hard and went through a lot of shit to find each other." While I still feel that way, that I lived a thousand lonely lifetimes in the twenty-eight years before we were together... I totally get that I'm lucky, now, too. It doesn't even matter if I flip out and accuse him of losing the headphones to my iPod that he never touches, if I elbow him to get out of bed when Louisey is crying at night. It doesn't matter if I force a vegan diet on him, run out of the door to the gym as soon as he gets home from work. When I lose it and say, This is too much!. He never points out that he spends all day working. He never claims that staying at home with the girls is easy. He's patient and weirdly, absurdly low-key and drama-free, even living with us. Sometimes, when I haven't even complained, he gives me a night off so that I can be a girl again.
Tonight, I'm totally going to be an indulgent, naked girl in a bathrobe. I'm totally not counting calories or calling to make sure that Scouty had a vitamin and that Louisey has brushed her two teeth. I will trust that everybody will be fed and kept warm snuggled properly. I'm not even going to concern myself with the fact that they will almost definitely sneak some soda while I'm gone. I'm just going to be brave enough to not be needed, and to not be guilty. Just for tonight.
I can say, I've worked hard to deserve this night off... but I totally understand that I'm lucky, too.
What are your weekend plans? I want to know.