Can I complain for a minute?
I'm feel uninspired in the mommy/housewifey arena. Sometimes it feels like I'm surrounded by women who love wine and girl's nights and nap time and who consider shopping for high heels to be some kind of emotional therapy.
Don't get me wrong, I long for nap time, but really? I long for my girls more. I need time for myself, but I need them more. I need them to be happy, and it's hard work and I'm tired and I'm lost, but not so lost that I'm about to jump on the DON'T YOU LOVE WINE AND SHOES bandwagon?
It's just that lots of times I don't feel relevant, but really, I'm only unpopular. It's not that every woman in the world wants to clean their kitchen floor in heels AND LOOK FABULOUS DOING IT! It's not that every mommy in the world wants wine more than they want to have their children. It's not that every woman who writes, writes about slipping up and eating a cookie and how she needs to get control or else she might GAIN FIVE POUNDS, oh no!
I know that you are all out there, I do. Sometimes, I just get discouraged. I feel like I'd be better off if I took Zumba class and checked out men in their twenties wearing jeans, or whatever. I feel like every turn I take, there is another woman wiping her hands clean of men and shopping for expensive pajamas to wear while eating cookie dough in front of the tv, because that's what we empowered women do! You might look at us and think we're all shaven and impeccably eyelined, but behind closed doors we're actually, naughty... cue the wine and Sex In The City, or whatever it is that women are watching now and pretending it's in line with feminism or maintaining any sort of integrity or pride.
The truth is, I'm not clean and manicured. I don't think that having a glass of wine makes you a rebel or free. I don't wait all day for nap time, or rather, I do... but it's only because I've exhausted myself trying to teach my children something new about themselves and the world.
And sometimes I feel like a BIG FAKE because I look at dance moms and wine moms and business moms and make up moms and DON'T YOU LOVE SHOES moms and think that they have it kind of easy. Wouldn't I be easier to sell if I wrote a book about how to walk away from a divorce wearing fabulous heels? Wouldn't it be easier to wake up in the morning if I was already looking forward to nap time and eventually wine time, while giggling to myself over how deliciously terrible I was.
Because that's what womanhood is about, right?
Coasting through everything that might make you work hard at being human, so that you can get to GIRL TIME! Sorry husbands, you'll have to open your own beer tonight because the girls and I are going out for wine and dancing!
Why don't we understand that behaving this way just confirms that we've been effectively marginalized? That somebody realized that women were demanding domestic freedom, but that they hadn't figured anything out about human freedom... so just toss some fashion magazines and shoes at them and make them think they're exercising their girl power by refusing to bake bread or own a jello mold and let them keep themselves busy babbling over there, WHERE NOBODY ELSE CARES WHAT THEY'RE SAYING BECAUSE TALKING ABOUT SHOPPING AND BREAK UPS AND WINE IS FUCKING STUPID.
So, that's how I've been feeling, lately. Maybe you've noticed that I've been a little withdrawn from the Online Mommy world, and that's why. I sort of feel like if I have to read one more piece written by a woman talking about WINE or SHOES or HOW ANNOYING THEIR KIDS ARE, I might totally fucking lose it.
But, really... you are smart people. I'm always amazed by the insight you provide and the ways you articulate yourselves as people. So, let's talk. I need to get my relevance back. What's on your mind?