Our two little girls are in the back seat, one of them is shouting, "Mama!" over and over and over again. When I respond with, "yes, honey?" she babbles a baby sentence with focused baby sincerity. I have no idea what she's saying. I nod my head and say, "Wow. That's awesome."
The other girl is four big years old and she's wearing yellow star shaped sunglasses, rehearsing in her mind how everybody is going to go nuts over how she cool she looks when we make it to school.
If we make it to school.
And we do. Of course we do. We're a super family of Super Girls!
Back at home, I lay Louise down for a nap, surrounded by all of her guys. She's only a little head peering out from a mountain of coziness and plastic eyes.
Perfect. Everything is still and perfect.
I find a note from a beautiful blonde agent I met in New York saying that I've written a beautiful book and that she enjoyed it. She's not going to offer me representation, though. If you had asked me yesterday, I would have told you this would upset me. I believe her reasoning, though. Everybody just bonds with different kinds of characters.
Still, though. I daydream about being interviewed on NPR or maybe even on television! I would need a new pair of glasses. Something daring. Those dreams are a funny contrast to the real me, the me who actually exists in this moment... hunched and squinting over a desk wearing workout clothes, all of my resolve to run on the treadmill pooling around my feet. Like my confidence and bravado.
It is so hard to tell if I'm a hack, because it sometimes feels like, "Oh, you say that thing about beauty to all the girls." It is starting to feel a little dangerous to keep explaining things away by saying, "I guess they just didn't get me."
So maybe it's a little bit like love. Not everybody would love to be married to me. Not everybody finds me charming and attractive and interesting. That doesn't mean I'm unlovable. I just had to find The One.
photo by alan weir
Today's post is a link up with Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary's Just Write. If you want to join in, write something about the details of your day and link up! Be sure to read a few other pieces and get to know some great new writers in the process.