Our two little girls are in the back seat, one of them is shouting, "Mama!" over and over and over again. When I respond with, "yes, honey?" she babbles a baby sentence with focused baby sincerity. I have no idea what she's saying. I nod my head and say, "Wow. That's awesome."
The other girl is four big years old and she's wearing yellow star shaped sunglasses, rehearsing in her mind how everybody is going to go nuts over how she cool she looks when we make it to school.
If we make it to school.
And we do. Of course we do. We're a super family of Super Girls!
Back at home, I lay Louise down for a nap, surrounded by all of her guys. She's only a little head peering out from a mountain of coziness and plastic eyes.
Perfect. Everything is still and perfect.
I find a note from a beautiful blonde agent I met in New York saying that I've written a beautiful book and that she enjoyed it. She's not going to offer me representation, though. If you had asked me yesterday, I would have told you this would upset me. I believe her reasoning, though. Everybody just bonds with different kinds of characters.
Still, though. I daydream about being interviewed on NPR or maybe even on television! I would need a new pair of glasses. Something daring. Those dreams are a funny contrast to the real me, the me who actually exists in this moment... hunched and squinting over a desk wearing workout clothes, all of my resolve to run on the treadmill pooling around my feet. Like my confidence and bravado.
It is so hard to tell if I'm a hack, because it sometimes feels like, "Oh, you say that thing about beauty to all the girls." It is starting to feel a little dangerous to keep explaining things away by saying, "I guess they just didn't get me."
So maybe it's a little bit like love. Not everybody would love to be married to me. Not everybody finds me charming and attractive and interesting. That doesn't mean I'm unlovable. I just had to find The One.
photo by alan weir
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Today's post is a link up with Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary's Just Write. If you want to join in, write something about the details of your day and link up! Be sure to read a few other pieces and get to know some great new writers in the process.
You have the right attitude. Keep it up, it's clear from your blog that you are a talented writer!
ReplyDeleteI have an email address specifically for my blog. The inbox is full of rejections of one type or another. I don't let it bother me. I've had a few small successes, but I know that there are supposed to be tons of rejections before the right thing reaches the right person and things will go from there. That's how this writing thing works!
I like your writing too! Beautiful!!!
ReplyDelete"It's so hard to tell if I'm a hack." I love that. I think being able to admit that is the first bit of evidence that you're not. Hoping you find The ONE!
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful writer. I've always struggled with rejection and identify so much with what you said about not being unlovable. We just have to find the write one. I hadn't thought of it in that manner. Thank you for a much needed aha! moment ;)
ReplyDeleteI've learned to deal with rejection by submitting to so much stuff I can't keep track of any of it. Once the kids are in bed, I pour a drink, crack open my laptop and shamelessly submit submit submit. It helps me when I look at the submission process as being the job and not the actual result of the submission. I have many more successful days that way. However I think there may be some dungeon work for me out there with all that submission. Having been interviewed on NPR and TV, I can tell you it doesn't make it any easier. P.S. You know you're not a hack right?
ReplyDeleteTiffanie, that's what everybody tell us! It's crazy that we go into this knowing that it's going to be heartbreaking, but we do it anyway.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck with all of your writing endeavors!
Sheila, that's so cute. You're so funny and cute. I kind of do the same thing with short pieces, but when it comes to my book, we're talking about like... a piece of me. It took me YEARS to finish that sucker. Each rejection feels like somebody just took a bit out of my soul. haha.
ReplyDeleteYou've got a tough soul and tough book. I can tell. It is done. It is out there. Let it fly all over the place. Don't try to protect it. You are the writer. The book is the book. It is soundly built. They'll turn it into a movie one day and then you'll really be mad at what they do it.
ReplyDeleteSheila, I don't know if you're right about my soul, but hearing you say that made me feel tough, at least for a little while. I think you should pop into my life every once in a while and remind me that I'm tough.
ReplyDelete