So, by some miracle of holiday magic, I lost 2 pounds this week. I'm going to thank hormones, (which I was totally cursing last week.)
That means that I have 35 weeks to lose 53 pounds.
So, since we're talking about weight, can I point you to a kind of awesome blog? It is Dances With Fat written by a super informed, successful, inspiring, healthy, fat woman named Ragen Chastain.
This week, she pointed us to the video of an episode of a Dr. Oz Show, where his guest, Dr. Gaesser, is a medical expert (I believe he is an exercise physiologist) in the arena of Health At Every Size.
You can see the videos of the show here, if you want.
But, Dr. Gaesser went on the show to talk about how it's not being overweight that is the problem (except in the area of joint health)... rather, it's a series of unhealthy lifestyle choices that, in a lot of cases, can lead people to being overweight. He cited research and studies that illustrate that a persons cardiovascular health, AT ANY SIZE, along with the content of their diets (ie. that they're eating heart healthy foods, no matter how rich in calorie content) is the actual indicator of how at risk they are for dying early.
He went on to say that the popular attitude towards being thin as THE ONLY way to be healthy (the one the Dr. Oz most definitely subscribes to) was actually causing fat people to be more unhealthy, not helping anybody. Dr. Gaesser, citing research, said that our current obsession with losing weight in order to battle a host of obesity-related illnesses, is actually making people weight cycle, (or yo-yo diet as we're used to hearing) which puts a tremendous strain on our bodies, particularly our hearts.
Dr. Oz responded in a resplendently douchey fashion and kept trying to make false claims about the things Dr. Gaesser was presenting. He repeatedly twisted Dr. Gaesser's words, saying things like, "Dr. Gaesser actually claims there are BENEFITS TO BEING OBESE!"
And then Dr. Gaesser would say, "Well, I didn't actually say that. What I actually said is that lifestyle is the critical factor, not weight."
Anyway, my opinion of a television celebrity doesn't really matter. What DOES matter is that I'm an overweight woman and I want to lose weight. I am also in total support of the over 30 years of research that concludes that a healthy lifestyle, including cardiovascular fitness, maintenance of muscle mass and a diet full of whole, real foods should be the focus of our efforts to be healthy. That by subscribing to an attitude that the ONLY WAY we'll ever be healthy or beautiful or successful or valid is if we're thin is total bullshit.
So, then... why do I personally want to lose weight?
If I believe that people can be beautiful and healthy at any size, (which I do), why am I trying to lose weight?
I wish I had an answer. I guess my answer is that it's complicated. I guess my answer lies somewhere in the fact that I am a fat girl who grew up in the world. I want to run on lonely roads with a winding snake of yellow. I want to be the only person in the world. I want to accomplish this thing that has been a goal for years. I want to feel awesome. I want to jump really high. I want to knock people's socks off with my appearance, just like I already do with all of the other parts of me.
Most of all, I want to be healthy and live a long life. I can do that while being fat.
Wanting to lose weight is something beyond just wanting to look good, or wanting to be healthy or sexy or whatever it is we've been assaulted into believing about ourselves. It's certainly not the fact that I'm a sad fat person who will only be happy and pretty and desirable once I'm thin.
But, it might be something akin to that. It might be something along the lines of... I know it's shallow and I know it most likely comes from negative information and ideas I've been fed over the course of my whole life and I know it's all about appearances when I don't give a fuck about these kinds of appearances, but I just want to lose weight because it's my body and I want to.
Is that okay?
I'm not asking in a sarcastic way. I really want to know.
Is it okay that I am a person who believes that I am beautiful and fucking sexy weighing exactly this much, but that I want to lose weight so that I can achieve something that I believe will make me feel awesome? So that I can achieve something that I've wanted for years (whether my desires were always coming from healthy, appropriate places or not?)
At the risk of sounding like an asshole -- Something about me is that I'm pretty good at everything I try. I was talking on the phone to my sister about sending my book out to agents and she said, "Just be patient and keep trying. You'll find one. Has there ever been anything you've really tried to do that you've failed at?"
I've done a lot of amazing things. I am an amazing person. The one thing I've tried and failed at is being a thin person.
Being fat doesn't in ANY WAY cancel out everything that is beautiful and impressive about me, or make me unable to see how awesome I am, it's just a thing that I want to be able to say I could do, along with all the other things I tried and succeeded at.
I hope all of this makes sense.
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that is totally ok. most people don't want to be heavy and it's due mostly to the fact that they don't like the way they look. i can say that with assurance having been overweight before. your goals are totally realistic and i'm sure you can do it, but you're right, you're beautiful at any size.
ReplyDeletePeople do all sorts of things with their time and bodies for any number of reasons. No one feels they have to defend the desire to climb a mountain or run a marathon or start a clothing line or make a movie or write a book or start a nonprofit or get a piercing. Your body, do want you want. Don't get jacked up by any of it.
ReplyDeletei think it's wonderful, especially since it's something you want to prove to yourself. your husband and children adore you no matter what; your husband has eyes for no others, and that is obvious by how he writes. when it comes down to it, YOUR opinion and experience is what matters. you are a strong person and weight issues are one of those things that transcends mere physical realities...it affects emotional & psychological areas as well.
ReplyDeletei want to lose weight too. i HAVE come to the acceptance (& joy) regarding the fact that i will never look like a supermodel. i LIKE being soft. plus, i've been a makeup artist for years and am confident with how i can style and do makeup when i want to feel extra glamorous. i'm good with embracing my "me". however what i want is to affect how i *feel*. i grew up with the teaching that we were not to honor our feelings but that feelings were wicked. (parents meant well, but you know...) but i've learned that feelings ARE important, and one way i can honor this is by the way i feel in my body. i did lose 35 pounds last year & wanted to lose about 30 more but started working full time and .... i'm sure you can imagine what happened. if you have any suggestions, i'm open! i do approach it very holistically...i really pay attention to my body which is how i lost the weight last year. but my body doesn't like retail and unfortunately i don't have much of a choice at the moment (because my body also likes warmth and coffee and wearing clothes). anyway...thanks for being YOU.
It's perfectly okay, IMO. Being human, we all want things, even things we feel we shouldn't want. But it's all okay. You know who you are and what you stand for, and it's not like your desire to lose weight makes you a sellout. (I know you didn't use that term but it's what I'm getting from your post.) It's kind of like when a musical artist (or any kind of artist) decides to go in a different direction with his/her work - it usually means they want to or feel called to do so. You want to go in a different direction with your body, and that is okay.
ReplyDeleteThank you, girls. Leslie is totally spot on... I do kind of feel like a sellout! Thank you all for your reassuring, supportive thoughts and words!
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