Elliott was a boy who wrote things; towering stories that drowned the world in sorrow. Sometimes when he wrote at night the windows cracked. Pine boughs crashed in through the ceiling and it started to rain. Fat drops of water fell from the ends of his hair, he wiped his brow with a soaking sleeve and carried on. Sometimes when he wrote, his father was dead and his mother was dead, too. He lived alone on a dark island of madness. He wrote things that put out the sun forever.
Nobody knows anybody, he thought, scribbling. His head was aching. A dull throb issued from behind his eyes.
He'd gotten into an argument with his father after his mother appeared around the corner from the hallway and said to him, "My sweet one, how I love you is like the end of everything." She kissed Elliott on his lips, in a gesture so familiar and also long dead.
His father turned red. He watched her like she was something nimble and full of lean meat. She was his wife; she made him feel so empty inside. He wanted to be full like when they were young, to hold sway over when her lips stuck together minutely as she smiled. She didn't smile for him any more, only the boy.
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This post is an entry at Trifecta Writing Challenge. The deal is that you have to write a piece using the third definition of a given word in 33 -333 words. You should give it a try, too and link up here. This week's word is sway.
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This is an interesting piece.
ReplyDeletevery interesting.
ReplyDeleteI like the premise of this: the father becoming jealous of the mother's love for their child. And that love causing the anger and the anger bringing the headaches which leads to his destructive writing.
ReplyDeleteMy only critique is it felt like the POV slipped in the last paragraph. It seemed to all be from the boy's POV but the last paragraph it is the father's
great opening line....always superheroic
ReplyDeleteI liked it
Carrie, I can always count on you to point out what's wrong with my pieces!
ReplyDeleteYeah... I tried to indicate a break by spacing between the paragraphs, but maybe it didn't come across. It's hard to start a new chapter when you're only using 200 words.
I went back and added three spaces, so maybe the pov change is a little more clear!
ReplyDeleteLoved your first two graphs. I want to know more about this kid.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved the way the world he wrote became the world he lived in, which fed the world he wrote. I sense a cycle of abuse in this family from the violent images in the boy's writing. Arresting piece.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning reads more like poetry than narration, great imagery. I like the way you describe his writing rage. Can always count on you to enter a great piece. Really love your style.
ReplyDeleteAchingly beautiful and hauntingly disturbing. Your imagery is amazing.
ReplyDeletewow...
ReplyDeletei would love to see more.
Loved the first paragraph.
ReplyDeletePoor poor Elliot.
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful.
Amanda, thanks for joining up again. That description in paragraph one is absolutely brilliant. I agree with Kelly - I'd like to know more about this boy. I always love your entries and I hope you'll be back again next week.
ReplyDelete