Small and scared, like a child.

Just now, I was leaving the grocery store and walking to my car.  It was warm enough that people had the windows down in their cars.  Somebody yelled something.  I didn't hear what.  It was followed up by an explosion of laughter.  Male laughter.

"Hey girl," somebody yelled.  "I was just kidding.  Come here for a second."

I glanced to my left and saw a twenty-something boy leaning out of his car window.  He whistled, like he was trying to get the attention of a dog.

"Hey!" he said again.  "Don't be mad.  Come here."

Now.  If you're a woman, you must know this feeling.  This dread and fear that stops up the blood in your veins.  I looked down at the pavement, feeling the hair on my neck stand up.  This is it, I thought.  This is one of those moments where I'm about to be annihilated.  I'm about to be squashed by a catcall or a crude comment.  I am going to be told that I don't matter.  I am going to be reminded that I am a woman and I am powerless.  That, because I'm a woman, it only makes sense that someone might leer at me, occasionally.  Someone might make a comment about my body, single me out for having female anatomy.  Somebody might whistle at me like I'm a dog and laugh.  


I don't even know if they were talking to me.  It didn't matter.  It was enough to send a jolt of panic up my spine.

I got into my car while they talked and laughed some more.  I waited to turn the key until they pulled away, until I felt safe and alone, again.  Every woman has felt this way.  Small and scared, like a child because of somebody else's joking.


I used to feel like something was wrong, but I didn't know what it was.  I would try to make up reasons, like maybe my Pap might have a heart attack or my mom might go into a coma, again, but none of it was very convincing.  I think that the truth was probably that I was a little girl and the world was a big place.

I still feel that way, sometimes, like lightning out at sea.


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Today's post is a link up with Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary's Just Write. If you want to join in, write something about the details of your day and link up! Be sure to read a few other pieces and get to know some great new writers in the process.


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