Sunday, March 18, 2012
What if your curves aren't sexy?
It seems like people are always saying, "You need to realize how sexy you are, right now, in your body, at every size."
Right? Like we should all love our bodies, no matter how they look. Every body is beautiful, and everything. (And here is where you'd find a picture of a pretty fat girl with a cute haircut wearing a pretty dress with her arms in the air and her lips painted red.)
Do you know what I think? Maybe you're just not really very sexy right now, and that's okay. Sexiness is a part of life, but it isn't as big of a deal as we've been tricked into thinking. It's a biological manipulation to get us to have babies and keep our species going. It's also a tool used by companies who have done a lot of research about how to keep us in place and sell us stuff. It's a deal, but it's not the big deal you think it is.
Maybe you're not sexy because maybe you're thinking about it too much. You're standing on this big open beach with your arms in the air and the camera is spinning around you and you're saying, "Okay, I'm doing this. Inside, I don't feel good enough, but I told myself in the mirror this morning that I was sexy, so here I am, world!"
It doesn't feel quite real, does it? You don't quite believe it, do you?
You've heard people saying that curves are sexy, right? Well, what if they aren't? What if a bunch of people who don't know you look at your curves and don't feel sexed up. Is that okay? What if those people have been tricked, just like you have, by biology and those smart companies who have researched how to manipulate biology, to believe that our bodies are something that have external worth. They're something that can be determined good or bad by how they look, how we think they look, and how sexy other people find them by looking at them.
It's sad, but the bottom line is that you can't be sexy to all the people all the time.
Do you know what you can be though, if you stop thinking about how much you weigh and how good you look?
You can be strong and awesome. You can do amazing things, with your body. You can walk really far. You can lift something big. You can climb to the top of something. You can go on an adventure. You can push your way through the forest. You can dive so deep.
Get sweaty. Get dirty. Let your body be something amazing.
Maybe you're not sexy because finding the right dress and putting on some lipstick and tights and realizing, "Oh hey, I don't look totally disgusting in this outfit. Maybe if I kind of jimmy myself into this belt and sort of hold myself to side and smile really big... MAYBE THEN, a bigger base of people will look at me and decide they'd be willing to touch me with their wiener!"
What if sexy isn't about loving the way our bodies look? What if our curves or thinness or shape or how many boobs we have doesn't have anything to do with it? What if when we're looking in the mirror to find our sexiness, we're really just standing there on the beach with our arms crossed in front of us thinking, "The sunlight is shining on me, and I don't feel good enough to be seen. I better put on a wig and some sunglasses or whatever."
Do you know when you might want to be seen, when you might volunteer to be looked at? When you're kicking ass and being awesome. When you're doing something you KNEW you could do, but were too scared to try. When you're holding a plank for TWO MINUTES, and you know that you're going to be able to do five, someday soon. When you're climbing to the top of something. When you're emerging from the woods. When you're coming back from the bottom of the ocean.
When you're beating up the bad guys.
When you're saving some kids from a burning building.
When you're standing on the beach and you have no idea whether your bathing suit is riding up in the back or if your boobs need adjusting because you're amazing. A wave as tall as a building could crash on the shore and mop the sand with that scared, other you in a flattering suit and matching sandals, the other you who is looking around to make sure that nobody is laughing, who is sucking it in and poking it out and repeating to themselves, "I am sexy at any size. I am sexy at any size."
Do you really want to share your awesome body with somebody who only loves it because of its curves?
Something about biology is that it has other tricks. We all know about the hip to waist ratio because IT'S SHOVED INTO OUR FACES EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY. But, what about those red-breasted warblers that that warble the best? What about how we might feel a little tingle in our thighs because of a pretty face (or body), but the people we REALLY go crazy for are like... really good at something. They're really brave. They take risks. They stand in the sun on purpose. They save us from burning buildings. They sing really loud and tell the truth and make shocking, beautiful things.
If you want to love your body, make it do beautiful things. Let it do amazing things. Let it do something better than standing in front of a mirror.
You might have a little accidental sexy reaction to somebody who looks good, but the people you really want to bone and daydream about and who make you feel like you've seen the face of GOD because fuck, are they sexy, are all people who do amazing things, regardless of their hip to waist ratio.
You'll love your body when it does something amazing. Convincing yourself that it looks good is no way to love something. Telling yourself that it's not disgusting is no way to love something. Kick a little ass. Kick a LOT of ass. Do something you're too scared to do. You might be surprised at the reaction of everybody's wiener. Not that it even matters...