Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Everything was beautiful - Writing Challenge Piece

"You're trying to make it sound like some sort of scandal," I said.

"A girl is dead!" my mother wailed.

I didn't tell her that I would be dead, too, by morning.

"You'll be charged with killing her," she said.  Her hands were shaking.  I watched them clattering against the steering wheel, her bones pronounced and too close to the surface of her skin.  "You could go to jail for the rest of your life!"  Her voice had been steadily rising in pitch since she picked me up at the county jail this morning.  "Oh god, Billy!" she shrieked.

Other than a painful throbbing behind my eyes, I felt okay; serene, even. We'd talked about this many times.

"If anything happens to you, I'll follow you," I told my girl, gripping the end of my belt in my teeth.  It was wrapped around her upper arm, cutting deeply into her soft white flesh.  She was soft all over, like a dream.  She ran her fingers through my hair.  A little rivulet of red danced in the chamber for her.

"I know," she said.

She didn't tell me, no.  She didn't force platitudes about how I should go on living without her.  We were destined for this.

I remember the first time we planned to die together.  We were kids, skipping high school and sharing a bottle of eight dollar vodka next to the creek that ran behind our trailer park.

She told me everything, about her mother and the men; how she slept with a night light.  "Sometimes I think I might just lie down in the reservoir, only I'm so afraid to be alone under all that water," she said.

That's how I knew I loved her.

My mother pulled over to the side of the road so that she could hold her head in her hands and sob.  I watched a cat rooting around in the garbage that littered the curb on the last day of my life.  Everything was beautiful. 


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I'm getting back into the Trifecta Writing Challenge, this week.  The deal is that you have between 33 and 333 words to write a story using the 3rd definition of a given word.  They pick a winner every Friday and Monday.  This week's word was scandal.


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14 comments:

  1. Yes! Oh yes! It simultaneously shows how empty Billy's life and his girl's have become while showing his mother's desperation to hold onto a son she lost a long time ago.

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  2. Even before I had finished reading this, I could feel how I'd be thinking about it all day. Tomorrow, a hundred times, I'll think, "What's that image that keeps tugging on the corner of my mind... oh, right." I'll think about this story a million times. It's tattooed on me. I fucking love this, on all levels.

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  3. Billy's calm is a good contrast to the mother's panic. This will stay with me for a long time too.

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  4. Oh my god. What a great story this is. You are such a great writer, I can't even begin to say. I loved this story. This is really well done.

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  5. Powerful story. Reminded me a bit of a modern Romeo & Juliet. I do feel bad for the mom because she's lost her son no matter what.

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  6. That is crazy good writing. When I got to the end I realized I'd been holding my breath. It really is beautiful.

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  7. Strong story! Was sitting on the edge of my seat with my face scrunched up wondering how it was going to end.

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  8. This leaves me wanting to know more. You have a great ability to draw the reader in with just a few lines, and make them want to keep going... that sounds like a bestseller waiting to hit the shelves.

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  9. I love Billy's last thought: Everything is beautiful. Yet he's resigned to leaving...Terrific piece.

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  10. Billy's strength is what I imagine superheroes are like.

    This was amazing. I read it several times and it emotionally beat my ass every time.

    welcome back to trifecta. you're an inspiration

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  11. Everything about this was beautiful. Hope you can join us for the weekend prompt which is already up on the site. It's community judging this weekend, so get your entry in and get voting

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  12. God, Amanda - I think I love you. :) Seriously - I don't have anything constructive to add. Just: this was beautiful on all levels.

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  13. Wow! I can't wait for the movie version of this story!

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  14. What a fantastic story! Heavy and real.

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