How to be happy - An overview

I've been looking in to happiness, recently.  Maybe because I write health articles, I've started to see happiness as a formula... that I can look at research about what makes a person happy, and about the things happy people do vs. unhappy people, and apply the research to my own life.  If you want to know the truth, I'm bored with being a malcontent.  I'm sick of complaining and of being unhappy.

I read Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project a few years ago, and was really intrigued by the idea that a person could take a systemic approach to happiness, and through applying planned out strategies, could make themselves happier.  I thought about trying a Happiness Project of my own, but I felt lost.  I focused too much on things I thought might make me happy, like having a cleaner house, writing more and getting in better shape.  In the end, all these pursuits did was make me feel tired and disengaged with the idea of choosing to be happy, like it was something elusive that wasn't meant for me.  After all, if I could just magically choose to have a clean house, why didn't I choose it already?

So, I'm going to try again, taking a different approach, this time.  Instead of coming up with my own ideas about what might make me happier, I am going to stick to the research about what makes a person happy.

Happy - A Documentary Trailer from Wadi Rum Films on Vimeo.

Here's an overview of the data I've gathered from reading books and watching documentaries:

We are born with a general "set point" for happiness that makes up about 50% of our happiness level.  This means that, once our basic needs are met, it doesn't matter what happens to us or what we achieve... we'll always kind of return to this general set point of happiness.  It's probably genetic and related to our developmental experiences.

About 10% of our happiness is determined by the things that happen in our lives.  Death of a loved one, illness, winning the lottery, getting a new job, etc -- these things affect our happiness levels by about 10% -- which seems surprising at first, but probably makes sense.  This is why you felt like you'd never get over something, and then you did.

That leaves 40% of our happiness that is up to us, and can be changed based on our choices.

I will argue that my "set point" of happiness isn't outrageously high.  I will also argue that my 10% might be pretty good.  I have everything I need.  I haven't experienced an obscene amount of tragedy.  I'd say that the 10% circumstantial variable is on my side.  That means that, through manipulating the remaining 40%, I could be at least a mostly happy person.

So, researchers have studied the happiest people on earth, and here's what they've found.

Happy People...

... Vary the things they do.  They change little and big things about their every day lives, so that they aren't doing the same things all the time.  As human animals, we love novelty.  That's why traveling and holidays are so wonderful.  Varying our lives could be as simple as rearranging furniture, changing a daily routine or switching up our running route.  It could be as huge and complex as quitting a job, moving to a new city or ending a relationship.

... Have a relationship with nature and the land.  They garden and grow things.  They eat the vegetables and fruits they grow themselves.  They appreciate wildlife and landscapes.  They don't view the environment as something to exploit and use.

... Seek intrinsic goals like personal growth, cultivating talents, kindness, self-acceptance, relationships and community.  They also actively reject extrinsic goals like appearance, status, monetary and business success and owning and possessing things.  Intrinsic goals are in direct opposition to extrinsic goals -- so, that means if you're obsessed with having a smaller butt, you aren't overly concerned with being a cultivated, whole-hearted person.  Happy people have dreams about who they want to be, and their pursuits are in alignment with their values.

... Are compassionate.  They meditate on compassion and seek to treat other people and the world around them with acceptance and kindness.  They cooperate with other people; help people less fortunate than they are.  Compassion allows us to focus on something other than our own thoughts and feelings and desires, making us less selfish and ego-driven. 

... Have close friends and family.  They keep friendships alive with constant contact.  They gather together, share what they have, offer love and support, eat together and value their relationships.  All happy people, without exception, spend a lot of time with people they love, and they love a lot of people.

... Are physically active, especially in novel ways.  Exercise promotes dopamine production and is a wonderful way to feel good.  When you change up the way you exercise, especially doing it outside in nature, you get an extra big dopamine burst.  Think about things like the color runs and zombie runs.  They are a good example of novel exercise.

... Say no. They aren’t occupied with productivity and efficiency.  They don’t overextend themselves.  They don’t exhaust themselves.  They understand and respect their limitations.  They share responsibility and accept help.  Happy people don't seek to be good workers to the exclusion of being good people.

...  Appreciate what they have.  They aren't drowning in stuff.  They are surrounded by meaningful and beautiful things.  They don't focus on how their house is too small or their car is too old.  They are happy to have a house and a car.

... Listen to music, appreciate art and literature, create art and practice imaginative creativity.  They probably also dance.

... Do things that put them in the zone.  They do challenging things for no other reason than they they love doing them.  They experience Flow, which is what happens when you do something well

that occupies you entirely, makes it so that nothing else matters.  Flow helps us to forget ego, and gives a sense that life is worth living.  (Some examples of in the zone activities might be: surfing, mountain climbing, playing a musical instrument, writing, cooking, painting.  Whatever gets your motor running.)

... Go towards conflict and problems, instead of seeking to avoid them.  They don't avoid negative feelings. They recover from adversity better, more quickly and more thoroughly, by acknowledging and working through the bad things that happen, instead of shutting down, shutting off and refusing to do the uncomfortable work needed to recover.

... Aren't uptight, especially about health.  They understand that "taking care of oneself" means allowing oneself to experience pleasure without guilt, and to experience it often.  They eat cake at parties.  They have a drink in the evening or smoke a pipe or whatever it is that allows them to "let loose." They are more concerned with being happy and whole than they are about carbs and calories.  They understand that attention to mental and emotional health is just as important as attention to physical health.

...Meditate.  Meditation changes the brain, reducing stress and promoting happiness.  They meditate on compassion, specifically and especially.

... Are grateful.  They have long lists of things they are grateful for, and they acknowledge these lists every day.  They contemplate their blessings.  Their self-talk involves how lucky they are.

... Don't procrastinate.  They do things themselves, instead of waiting for someone else to handle it.  They don't put things off.  They recognize that they are capable of getting things done, even intimidating things.

... Practice concrete acts of kindness -- like shoveling a neighbor's walk, baking someone cookies, helping with a project, offering to babysit for a friend, visiting people in the hospital or retirement homes.

So, this is what it takes to be happy.  The research says so.  What I want to do is divide these characteristics and activities up and implement them into my life, a few at a time, over the course of the next year, or so, building as I go.  I want to kind of go in through the back door and behave my way to happiness.  Stay tuned for my assignments for October.  Let me know if you want to work on this happiness project with me!  Maybe we could work on this together?




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