Can we talk about writery stuff?
I want to write a book. I feel it tumbling around inside of me.
The thing is, I also...
...stay at home with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I'm committed to them. I do everything I can to make them happy and healthy and safe every moment of every day. They make the sun come up in the morning. Which is to say that they take up all my time and energy.
...spend an hour five days per week working out. I recently, finally, alluded to my health issues. It's really important to me that I'm doing everything I can to be strong and healthy.
...get paid to write a health column.
...try to keep up with this blog.
At the end of every day, I've spent literally hours writing. I love it. I love getting paid to write. I love sharing my thoughts here. I love that I have the stamina and resolve to write for hours every day.
But, I also think about how it would be nice if I was working for hours every day on writing a book.
I wrote a book, once, and it was an amazing, important experience for me. It changed who I am and what I want to be. Years have gone by since then and I've learned a lot about not putting everything I've got inside of me into one piece of writing, about not using up all the words in the world. I've been a little gun shy about starting a second book. I've felt nervous that I didn't have it in me to gut myself again, to rearrange my marriage and our schedule and turn down lunch dates on the weekend so that I could write. I've felt like I couldn't make up another story that would ever be as important to me as THAT one. That I could never love anybody like I loved THAT one.
But, I feel like I'm ready, now. Expect... when am I supposed to do this, exactly?
Something would have to give. I simply don't have any time or energy left over to commit to another project without closing something down. The girls get all of my time, from the moment I open my eyes until Daddy gets home at 5:30. That leaves me 2-3 hours in the evenings to do everything else I need to do. It's hard to be a person who gets shit done when you only have 2 hours, do you know what I mean?
So, I don't know what I'm saying, exactly. I need a stand in to make breakfast and pick out school clothes, maybe. I need to get up early to go to the gym, maybe. I need to stay up later and wake up earlier. I need to quit working or quit blogging. I need a little necklace that turns back time. What do you think?
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Hire someone to help with the kids three mornings a week while you write your novel and have Kurt stay with them one morning a weekend? Write a page a day and then at the end of one year you will have 365 pages to work with? Lessen the amount of time you spend on the blog?
ReplyDeleteIf it were me in your shoes, and we had the money to hire some help with the kids, I'd be all over that in a hot second. As it stands right now, I barely write at all, which is depressing. I envy you.
Let me preface by saying, I’ve never written a book but here are my thoughts/encouragement/advice:
ReplyDeletePutting yourself, your health and your family first is obviously your priority. It’s important to you and it makes you happy to do so. Looking at the rest of your priorities or things to do, you might find something that’s less important than writing a book. In which case, you could move the other thing further down on the list or to an entirely different list all together. (Heads up, I’m a serious rambler)(in this case, probably about things you already know)
Writing is a tricky beast and doesn’t always come willingly when you finally get a chance to sit down at 9:30pm after a long day. That can get frustrating when you’ve purposely set aside time for it and you don’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything. You almost feel like you’ve wasted that time. Looking at this logistically it may appear impossible so maybe that’s the key, don’t look at it logistically. Don’t tally the time it takes to work out, do the dishes, and make dinner because it’ll trigger that little meanie in the recesses of your brain that discourages you from doing things that make you happy.
I say, write down all of your expectations for the process of writing this book….then light them on fire, say a small prayer and let them go. No expectations….just…I will write this book. Period.
Maybe replace one blogging day with a writing-my-book day, get someone to guest post, carry a small recorder and record pieces of your story when you’re taking a walk, at a stoplight or folding laundry, keep a notebook in your purse or car and use it during those times when you’re waiting – like doctor’s office, oil change, parking lot, or in line at the grocery store. If you have a tribe of people around you, don’t forget to ask them for a little extra help too. I’m sure these are things you already know but I guess my point is that, this isn’t impossible. I don’t know you, but I know you can do it. I know you’ll find a way.
I think that you should start by making little changes and see what that gets you. What about that first novel? Would there be benefit to editing that and shopping it around? For me, the blog thing is the first hint of a real writer's community I've had. Wouldn't give it up for anything, and I find that it keeps me writing when nothing else does. The job and the children are also pretty important. But I suspect you are creative enough to find ways to be an excellent Mommy and still carve out space for yourself. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with devotion to your kids. But let Kurt pick out the clothes and let go of your concerns that they won't be what you would choose. Let him make the lunches. Do you work out at home? Do you treamill? I have read that it's extremely easy to build a laptop desk into a treamill. I'm not so sure about an elliptical, but you never know. (And don't give up the writing. I've taken up your juice thing, modified it with my mother's glycemic index diet and lost 9 pounds since July.)
ReplyDeleteTry the little things first. The things you suggested for yourself in your post. See what that buys you. And be prepared to write five hundred words a day if you have to. At that pace, you'd have an obscenely long novel by the end of a year.
Or see what you can shift for a single month and throw yourself into Nano. (I'm not into that kind of frenzy myself. It drains me and leaves me gunshy). See if there's another Mom who could trade you babysitting for babysitting services.
Mostly, DO IT. Write the novel. I want to read it and I don't even know what it's about yet. Any publisher who rejects you would be a fool, and I'm not saying that lightly. I wouldn't. I'm a nitpicky bitch, and you're one of the best writer's I know.
writers. Plural. Clearly fate needed to laugh at someone who claimed to nitpick
ReplyDeleteI love you for your thoughtful responses to my dilemma. I think the most inspiring piece of advice was to stop looking at this logistically... stop saying, "I need to shuffle things around and make time..." and instead, just write it. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm sure that the less important things on my schedule will naturally kind of get out of the way.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU for being such good friends. :)