"Looking at this logistically it may appear impossible so maybe that’s the key, don’t look at it logistically. Don’t tally the time it takes to work out, do the dishes, and make dinner because it’ll trigger that little meanie in the recesses of your brain that discourages you from doing things that make you happy.Genius.
I say, write down all of your expectations for the process of writing this book….then light them on fire, say a small prayer and let them go. No expectations….just…I will write this book. Period."
I never thought of things this way. It is TOTALLY possible that by focusing on how I don't have time for things, I am setting myself up to fail. Maybe if I don't orient my thoughts with all the ways I CAN'T do things, I will actually feel free enough to do them.
I bet you that if I start listening to myself and following my natural flow, the more important things on my schedule will rise to the top, and less important things will organically come second. That is sort of the way life works, isn't it? I don't need to make a schedule. I just need to do what feels right.
I'm not sure what caused it, but I have taken a mental turn where things seem less impossible. For a long while, I have been waking up feeling defeated. Like the daily challenges of being a mom were wearing me down. I could barely summon up the will to sing the tooth brushing song every morning. The making breakfast, picking out clothes, brushing hair, doing laundry, writing an article, running to the gym, making lunch, running to school, reading with Louise, blah blah blah routine started to feel impossible. I felt numb inside, like I was so tired, and there was nothing I could do to wake up.
I feel different, now, and I think it's important to keep this feeling going, instead of burrowing back down into the chores of daily life, instead of saying, "I want to be happy, but here is a list of reasons why I can't find the time."
I don't have to worry about getting everything done, as long as I am following my true desires. If I listen to myself and do what makes me proud, happy and fulfilled, the right things will get done, whether I schedule them in or not.
Evidence of this is all around me. I don't have to schedule in loving my girls. We don't make plans to play our toy guitars and drums and do an impromptu performance of Meatloaf's Bat Out of Hell in our underwear. Having fun and feeling loved and happy will just happen on its own, when I pay attention to the voice inside of me, and allow it to matter.
Focusing on how I don't have any time or energy just means that I won't.
I'm not sure what exactly has pulled me out of the funk I was in. It had something to do with being in a beautiful wedding in the country. It had something to do with riding the ferry to Ocracoke Island, with spotting a giant shark in the surf and feeling like the world is full of things that are alive, and that have a right to exist, even when they're scary. It had something to do with coming home to find my sister's life in shambles, with being able to see so clearly how much trust and respect I have in my own marriage and how special and important it is. It had something to do with getting off of the goddamn treadmill, waltzing into the weight room and telling these 250 pound men to move over.
Now, it's time to tell my schedule making tendencies to move over. Instead of trying to convince myself that I don't have any more time or energy available, I'll make the time and energy, or the time and energy will make itself, bowing down to the things I love.
Thank you for all of your wonderful advice, by the way. You mean a lot to me.